I feel like I've had brain constipation the past few weeks, but I found out in July that my mom has cancer, and it was like being socked in the solar plexus. The first day I ended up wandering around Walmart for a few hours with nothing but duct tape in my basket, worried and fretting. My dad and my brother spent the first two weeks freaking out (my dad even made plans to sell the house and move in with me, which is a premise for a sitcom right there (no offense dad)). My mom's sisters were freaking out, worried their baby sister would be the first to go (my mom is the second youngest of 5 sisters and 2 brothers, all living).

Of all of us in the family, my mom took the news with ease and a positive attitude, but even she stopped journaling for a few days (she has fastidiously kept a journal for 30 some-odd years -- everyday). Cancer is really fucking scary. People in my family have ridiculous longevity -- living to 90 and beyond is expected and normal, and we don't get Alzheimer's, so it's a pretty decent longevity. Even my mom's younger sister has been recently cured of the Type I diabetes that would have cut short her life (she is in an experimental transplant program and no longer needs insulin injections). So it seemed really, really, really unfair that my mom could die at 62, especially considering all she's been through in her life and how awesome and compassionate a person she is. I was just as mad at that as I was sad and worried about the diagnosis.

After the first day or so I recovered from the initial shock and went into problem solving mode. I voraciously read about her type of cancer, diffuse large B cell lymphoma. I scoured online, and trekked to the main Honolulu library and lugged back every book on lymphoma, and a couple on cellular biology (I was so thorough that I know how to diagnose slides for lymphoma now). In a way I was avoiding the emotional aspects of the problem, but reading gave me hope. I have the knowledge to understand her treatment and know what her options are. I also found out that this cancer is curable.

A few weeks later (after the initial surgery to remove the tumor growing in her tear duct), she went in for an MRI body scan. No other tumors were found. Awesome news! It was a huge weight off her, and a weight off everyone else in the family as well. It meant that she was likely cured just from the surgery. She will have to go through a round of chemo to catch any stray cancer cells in her system that might later form tumors. She starts next week. The barbarism of chemo makes me angry, that so many people have to go through it, that it is so rough on the body (it's basically poisoning all the fast growing cells in your body so they die, so it's not just cancer cells), but the alternative is worse. I'm sure she will go through the process with grace, humor, and a positive attitude.