I've been extremely listless, lonely, and depressed the past couple of days. A few days ago I was asked to do a project for work under a big time constraint. I didn't know it was coming and was ill prepared to handle it. I should have said no or asked for a more reasonable time frame. Anyway, I finished, but the end result was pretty crappy and my boss redid it anyway. It's rather embarrassing.

It did make me realize how much of my self-worth is wrapped up in what I achieve (not job title, money, possessions, or social status). What's worse, is that even when I do accomplish something, the elation is very temporary. When my first book was published, I felt good about it for only a few hours. When I don't achieve anything for awhile (i.e. when I try to relax or take a day off) I end up feeling guilty for not doing enough. I've pretty much been this way my entire life. Not a good way to live.

Even if I become a published fiction writer with a legion of adoring fans, I'll probably still feel like I'll never be good enough.