We need some friendly mac users to try out the software we are developing. Read more and sign up here.

Early Saturday morning, while waiting for some very large files to transfer via sftp from one server to another, I decided to write an email to Old Navy customer service. Here it is:

Hi,

I have a bit of a complaint, but I do want to say first that I *love* Old Navy. I live in Hawaii (on Oahu), and frequent the Ala Moana store. It's really annoying that it's filled with cold weather apparel. I can't imagine much of it sells. Sweaters, yes, to bundle up when the air conditioner in the office is on the fritz, or maybe something to wear to the mainland, but other than that (scarves? Are you kidding me?), cold weather clothing is pointless ON A TROPICAL ISLAND. The temperature rarely dips below 75 degrees in the winter. When you live here, you barely notice the seasons changing (it's like a 5 degree change from summer to winter). You get more of a change simply by driving from the rainy side of the island to the dry side.

Okay, I suppose to save money, as a general policy, all stores have uniform stock. But with the remote location of Hawaii, and the cost of shipping, why ship so much stock that few people are going to buy on clearance, let alone full price?

When I worked as an inventory manager at a bookstore on the mainland (part of a national chain), there was some stock that got shipped to me no matter what, but also some stock I could pick and choose from to suit the peculiar needs of my store (and boy were we peculiar - a very liberal bookstore in the heart of conservative Arizona). To me, it seems like this approach would benefit the Old Navy stores in Hawaii. I talked briefly to some clerks at the store (who will remain anonymous); they were concerned about the issue as well (I mean, it's really an obvious problem when you live here), but they didn't seem to have control over what quantities of which stock made it into the store (at least those that I talked to). Wouldn't it be more cost effective to let the staff pick some of the summer backstock from the mainland, as well as more basics and less winterwear, to put in the store?

I'd love to see slippas (flip-flops in mainland dialect, the official footwear of Hawaii) in the store year round at the very least. They are always in short supply because they are very popular (you could probably make a mint just stocking slippas). I mean, you guys make them *every* year. You've got to have them in backstock somewhere, waiting for the next summer season. I just don't want to see Old Navy go under here because it isn't serving the needs of the customers.

thank you so much for your time :-)
Katharine Osborne

Within 24 hours, I received this pleasant, yet bureaucratic reply:

Dear Katharine,

Thank you for your e-mail and for your suggestion regarding the warm
weather inventory carried in our Hawaii stores. We appreciate the time
you have taken to contact us to share your thoughts. At Old Navy,
bringing irresistible and weather appropriate fashion at an amazing
price to our customers is important, so we will pass your message along
to our merchandising team. Please be assured that customer feedback is
the most important consideration when planning what our future products
will look like.

Thanks again for writing.

I like this response because someone obviously read what I wrote. I doubt that they will make any changes based just on my lone email, but they might if they get lots of email from lots of different customers saying the same thing.

I wanted to post this because I've answered tons of crabby emails from disgruntled customers when I did customer service at EAI. Customer service was also part of my job when I worked at the bookstore and my first job at a bank (the awful memory of which still makes me shudder. I don't speak of it often). And now, part of my Girl Friday duties at Blue Lava includes customer service. The thing is, whether or not you can actually solve a problem for a customer, they often feel better when someone has the courtesy to listen to their beef. Good customer service is a great way to build long-term loyalty (I think I'm beginning to drink my own Koolade).

I couldn't sleep because I was crying in bed. I'd like to get my anti-depressant dosage increased, but the medication as it is makes me nauseous, tired (and incessantly yawny), and unable to focus like I used to. Anyway, I got up and decided to try distraction therapy (the uber-simple idea of rebooting your brain by doing something fun - psychologists just have to give it a fancy name).

I ended up doing some random research on Google about depression. I came across some stuff on VNS (vagus nerve stimulation) which I had heard about before. It is a therapy for both epilepsy and depression where a pacemaker is inserted deep into the brain to provide electrical stimulation to the vagus nerve. That of course, is a very drastic measure (not to mention expensive). If VNS stimulates the vagus nerve electrically, then I reasoned it could be stimulated by engaging the muscles and organs it controls.

I looked up what the vagus nerve controls: peristalsis, some heart rhythm, the lungs, and some of the muscles in the nose, throat, and voice box. Aha! Could the yawning I've been experienced be related? How about the nausea (peristalsis related)? I've also had a mild arrhythmia my entire life (which coughing alleviates). Okay, okay, so maybe I shouldn't be self-diagnosing.

The vagus nerve also releases neurotransmitters - which is why stimulating it helps alleviate depression. Then I found out that mild VNS can be achieved through breathing exercises! There has also been some research linking the yoga practice of pranayama (mindful breathing essentially) with vagus stimulation (Sam, any thoughts on this one?)

Since pranayama is so close to what I was taught in karate for meditation (which really helped me as a teenager), I think I'll give it a shot. It's just breathing, so it can't hurt right? The only drawback is that if it does work, it will take several weeks at least. Also, I won't be able to know whether or not it has helped, since so many factors are involved (the medical industry should do more research into this, but you can't sell breathing pills!) At least I will have another tool in my toolbox. Anyway, next time I see my psychologist, I'll bring up the topic with her.

On a related note, one of the writers in my group gave me a ride home earlier. We really have nothing in common but she suddenly warmed up to me in the group a few weeks ago. I was wondering why, and I found out on the ride home. A few weeks ago I told the group that I had depression, and that Wednesdays were ironically really stressful because I had both group therapy and the writing group. Well, it turned out that this other writer has been dealing with depression as well. We talked meds, and how people who have never had depression just don't understand what it's like, and you just can't "snap out of it" (I find the diabetes metaphor pretty useful in explaining it - where serotonin substitutes for insulin). So I guess we do have something in common. Actually, it amazes me how many people have been dealing with it. It's like it's this big secret, and everyone is very hushhush, but when you find another with it, you could take about it for hours. It really annoys me that depression has such a stigma. Frankly, it's really stupid that any disease has a stigma, but the survival tactic of ostrasization of the sick doesn't really translate to a disease like depression since it isn't contagious.

*Sigh* I've a hard time focusing on the task at hand today, partly because I was shaky from lack of food (note to self: a bowl of sauerkraut is not a meal), partly because that task is to write documentation (shudder). Luckily, I had my camera near (always of course), and spent some time taking shots of my most ready model. I swear I am not narcissistic - I just like photography. I am particularly proud of the one to the left.

Today I was listening to a co-worker's iTunes list, and came across the song "Extraordinary Machine" by Fiona Apple. It almost instantly struck me as the perfect theme song for "the novel". If you are waiting for new chapters, track that song down and give it a listen. Let me know if you think it fits. In the meantime, I'll probably end up listening to it repeatedly as I write.

I left work early today, exhausted from last night's walk home from the movies (missed the last bus I guess). Yes, parents, I am all right, no harm came to me other than my feet are sore (flip flops are not good for long distances). Anyway, even though I was tired, as I got off at my bus stop, and saw the sun getting low over the ocean, the siren song of the sea called to me, and I decided to go bodyboarding before crashing.

I really suck at it. I love being out there, and I realize I'm just a beginner, but I really suck. Mostly because I never really learned how to swim properly. I'm confident I won't drown simply because I have enough body fat to float (and the salinity of the ocean helps too), but there are times where I start to get a little freaked out. For instance, on this last outing, I saw some big fish nearby, and what looked like a sea otter (it had fur). If I see something moving in the water, I immediately think about sharks. That makes me anxious. Considering the slim likelihood of being attacked by a predator in the water, I don't need to be so anxious, and in fact, in such an attack, I think I need my wits about me to survive. So, my goal is to be more relaxed in the water. To achieve that, I need to be a more confident swimmer, and I think I also need to find some ocean buddies.

I finally got around to revamping my photography site (this project started nearly a year ago, and I couldn't move forward until I admitted to myself that I had no interest in doing wedding photography). Check it out and let me know what you think. And yes, I shamefully used tables. I am so old school.

I'm a longtime FBorFW reader (love the art and the storytelling), so I just had to say I had this moment last year when DTP came out:

http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002762.php

I hope to have more of those in the future :-)

*Sigh* I tried going to the laundromat last night (a mile walk one way mind you), and it was closed. There were no posted hours and I just assumed it was open 24hrs. I felt like an idiot carrying around my big heavy bag of laundry.

However the journey was not a total loss. I got to see just how tolerant the police are of Kuhio Ave. hookers (police cars parked 20 ft from Johns approaching the clear-plastic heeled women). On my way back I wished I had my camera because I came across a marine passed out in the doorway of Christian Dior. I just thought it would be interesting political commentary to show a soldier so completely submissive at the doorstep of a major symbol of western materialism. I thought about going back with my camera, but who am I to exploit a fellow human's brief moment of bliss?

I've got a ton of work to get done mainly typing up handwritten notes - handwriting is an effective way to break writer's block I've found), so I really shouldn't be blogging right now. However, once or twice a year I get a random insult from someone I don't know, related to my website or something I've posted somewhere else. I've been pretty good about not attracting hate mail since I stopped baiting creationists about evolution online ten years ago.

Today I got a text message (well, it went to whoever has my old AZ phone number, I got the CCd email):

Having read your work I can see you are a mental giant, interesting you're an emotional midget.

Well, this was too vague to pass up. I thought it might refer to my earlier post about the "novel", but I wasn't sure. The message came complete with a valid email address, so I responded:

[name removed],

it's interesting that you've chosen to insult me via text message, without any reference to what in particular has set you off. I hope this is in reference to my fiction writing. If so, I am glad I have engaged you enough to provoke such a strong response. It is entirely my intention as a writer to make people think and feel strongly. But I do caution you from confusing authors with characters. Stephen King is not the clown from IT (no matter how creepy the author may be in real life).

If this is not in reference to my writing, then you are an intolerant, rude, small-minded individual. I sincerely hope your life gets better with time, and hold no ill feelings towards you. At the very least, I hope that you learn to write you insults with greater depth of detail, and develop the temerity to publish them in a public format.

take care,
Katharine

Was that bad of me? :-) I wonder if he'll notice the sarcasm.

My move to Waikiki has been a healthy one, mentally, and has afforded new freedom. I can finally relax a bit, and not be tense or traumatized by my surroundings (such a long, long story, if you know me closely you know the story, but I've kept it out of my blog to protect the meanies involved).

Anyway, while I'm still having bad writer's block with non-fiction, my fiction has developed in a quantum leap. I think I can fairly say that I've "found my voice". I attribute this to four influences:

1. My writers group for giving me greater perspective in my writing.
2. The HawaiiSlam, for letting me hear less fussy ways of using words (which sounds fussy itself...)
3. My friend Skitz for saying "You should read Bukowski, you'll hate it." (and of course Bukowski is now one of my favorite authors. "Ham on Rye" made me rethink my bias against first person narrative, a bias I developed as a teenager because at the time I hadn't been exposed to anything written in first person that was any good. I tried the format on, and it fits extremely well). I've also been reading Mark Twain's non-fiction "Roughing It", particularly for the part about his travels in the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii), but his easy first person narrative was another convincing factor.
   
4. My blog. Yup. Without even knowing it, I've spent nearly three years practicing writing im "my voice". My blog has been entirely first person, and the effect is such that I can effortlessly write fiction in first person.
   

Except for the last influence, this leap may never have happened if I hadn't come to Hawaii. Perhaps something else would have happened and my life would have veered in a different direction, but I sensed two years ago (when I initially wanted to move but was unable to because of "Data and Text Processing for Blah Blah Blah") that to stay in Arizona was to stagnate. I needed to move and be influenced by new things, and the gamble looks to be paying off. Finally. Hopefully.

The fiction novel I'm working on goes by various names, but I've settled on nothing, so for now it will be here referred to as the "novel". I have other novels in the hopper, but this is the "novel" du jour. This has my heart in it, and it's a huge break from the types and genres I've been writing in before. There are no major non-human characters (no androids, no vampire dogs (yup, written one of those), no genetically created manipulations, no dream sequences). It's contemporary (no dystopic alien-ridden vistas, no war, and no outward violence). This is not sci-fi, horror, or fantasy. I have not given up on those things by any means, I stick by them, and hold those genres very high as literature, however the writers in my group pointed out that I was unable to write a convincing human character - I was stuck psychologically with scarred, twisted caricatures of the human condition. My depictions of war, violence, and alieness have often been read with something approaching reverence, but also confusion, depending on the reader. That might just be bad writing on my part, but maybe I also strayed too far from the core human character.

Anyway, before I prematurely write a thesis on myself (and yes, I am secretly hoping this gets read by some grad student decades from now who has devoted their academic career to the study of me -er- my writing) I just want to say I feel great about the "novel". Here is a brief excerpt (the first two paragraphs to be precise):

There are several truly stupid things to do in life, and one of them is falling love. It may in fact be the most monumentally stupid activity of all time. Unfortunately, it often can't be helped. Hormones and social conditioning conspire to throw body and mind into a downward spiral of desire, lust, and imagined nuptials (down to such details as what type of petals the flower girl will toss as she stumbles chubby-legged and cherubic up the aisle).

Love is the worst possible disease to contract. Instead of focusing on erectile dysfunction (and who really cares if a man can't get it up but the man), the pharmaceutical companies ought to channel their efforts into producing anti-love medication - most people would scramble to take it at least once in their lives. A whole new industry of illegal anti-love drug trade would crop up to serve those who couldn't get prescriptions (either too embarrassed or lacking insurance). It would completely replace meth, coke, pot, anti-depressants, alcohol, and cigarettes, since it would do more effectively what those drugs half-heartily do now - masking the side-effects of love gone bad. That's my theory anyway.

Yeah, it's a bit of a feminist rant (the part above at least), and it's not really about feminism, though it is a huge theme. Exploration of gender differences is also huge. It is a story about love, but it's not a romance - it's love thwarted, but from internal conflict not external. The two main characters have parallel lives, both want to love and be loved but are themselves their greatest obstacles. When I first introduced the "novel" to my writing group, to my great shock, everyone in the group connected with the theme. Everyone's been in that place at some point, no matter their background. I was surprised but very happy. On the practical side of things, that means the "novel" is potentially salable. It's worth finishing. At the very least, there are now ten people or so who will conspire to murder me if I don't follow through with the "novel". The other cool thing that happened when I took it to the group is that there were very few red marks on the manuscript. One person wrote the comment "I'm jealous with they way you have with words." Hehe.

Ever since I've been on this latest anti-depressant medication, my body wants to sleep 8 hours every 24 and there isn't much I can do to stop it. If I force myself to get up for something, I'll be zonked out later and have to take a nap. I tried to pull an all-nighter last night, but no go. Oh well, I guess I am just making up for years and years of 2 hours of sleep at night, and I just have to get used to it.

The other thing on this medication, is that I have far fewer vivid and/or lucid dreams, and so far no sleep hallucinations (which my psychologist assured me are far more normal and common than I had thought). There is another class of anti-depressants, including Wellbutrin (from anecdotal evidence) that stimulate sleep hallucinations, so I'll be sure to stay away from those.

I did have two interesting lucid dreams this morning though. The first one involved a tornado - a common dream theme when I have writer's block! I was living in a rickety house I often visit in dreams, though this time it had a courtyard out back, which is where the basement was (meaning there was no shelter from the tornado). The other occupants of the house were two elderly (crabby) women, three tiny lapdogs and two larger dogs, a black lab and something mutty. The tornado sirens went off (I'll never forget that sound from living in Iowa), so we went to the "basement" courtyard. I didn't really care about the safety of the women, and felt that the lapdogs would be difficult to secure and hold onto (being three), so I protected the two bigger dogs with blankets, one with each hand.

Symbolism? Haven't a clue. Maybe it means that I'm trying to prioritize problems and not worry about the shit I can't control well.

The other dream involved me being in the basement parking lot of the Hawaii state Capitol. I was waiting for something with my brother and mother (we didn't have a car). All of a sudden, Jimmy Carter zooms by on a scooter without a helmet. I exclaim "Isn't that Jimmy Carter?"

Symbolism? Not sure I want to know.

I decided to work at home today, which is slightly less distracting than the office. I took a break to meet with Mama Ocean, and went body boarding for the first time (more difficult than you might think on Waikiki's microscopic waves). I love living in Waikiki :-)

It was a great week, I am exhausted. I was sad to see Sam leave, but she totally lifted my spirits; it was awesome having her here (it helps that she is a fantabulous houseguest - I mean the mochas in the morning were an awesome surprise and made the days just start off swell!) What was supercool also, is that all my friends here loved her - they would come up to me afterward and say "you have to have her back, she is delightful!" But of course she is. I only hang with the superawesome smart peeps (please don't arrest me for using "awesome" three times in the last paragraph, but the whole week was awesome!!!)

Now some pix for your viewing pleasure:

---

My dad loves photos of me, so here ya go dad:

Okay, I was fiddling around in iPhoto adjusting some photos I took of Sam and I today at various locations, and was tweaking a self-portrait I took when I noticed that the camera picked up more spots than are visible to the eye. Cameras pick up a slightly wider range of frequencies than the eye, so this is not surprising - but it led me to wonder (I who got skin cancer at 14) if photography could be used to pick up signs of precancer sooner than human inspection, or as an aid to human inspection (the current method). I assume that these spots were picked up on the ultraviolet end of the spectrum (the other end, infrared would look a bit blurrier I think) so a beam of ultraviolet light could be beamed from a handheld wand (if used along with human inspection) or a full body scanner, photographing all the patient's skin to be analyzed by computer either on the fly or later, flagging suspect areas. I don't know, do you think this would be useful? I'm not sure how many people skin cancer kills every year, but this would be more reassuring to me (if effective), than having to crane my neck around in the mirror to inspect the spots on my back.

My best friend Sam came to visit me from Phoenix today, and will be staying the week. I was so excited (really like a kid before Christmas) I couldn't focus at work, and ended up watching part of a baseball game at Murphy's pub and playing shuffle puck with some of the BLT crew.

When I met her at the airport it was like we were meeting after a week apart - not the months it has been, which is kind of weird but at the same time a big relief. She is just now going to sleep (4 am Phoenix time), we were yakking non-stop since I picked her up. Also to my great relief, she loves Waikiki and thinks my apartment is cool, not a dump, which makes me feel better about living here. It's just sooo awesome!